Howdy, ‘Shift!
And, uh, the rest of you. I guess. Welcome to the Divisional Round of the 2012 NFL Playoffs and to this cozy spot on the internet we call the Virtual Couch™. Grab a spot. There’s plenty of room.
I couldn’t be more stoked for this weekend. We’ve got some great games on tap today and tomorrow, then we’ve got the Golden Globes (with Ricky!) tomorrow night, and then we’ve got MLK Day to recover. It’s going to be freakin’ marvelous. I hope you’ve all got something fun planned, but I also hope you’re around for football.
On to the games!
Saints @ ‘Niners (4:30 PM): No question but that this is a tough one for the Saints. They’re playing on the road against a team with a top-tier defense and a running game that lets them control the clock. The Saints are favored by 3-1/2 going into the matchup, as if that’s any solace to their fans, but it’s way too easy to see San Francisco turning this into a slugfest and gutting out a win. In fact, that’s what I’m feeling*: ‘Niners 27 – Saints 24 (*Don’t hate me, ‘Shift. My predictions are usually the kiss of death.)
Broncos @ Patriots (8:00 PM): I know this much: If Tebow pulls this one out of his ass, tear up the stat sheets and make room for me on the bandwagon. There will be a picture of me Tebowing in front of the television, and it will be my profile pic for a long, long time. And, let’s see, I think this will be a sufficient jinx: Patriots 45 – Broncos 17
Texans @ Ravens (Sun – 1:00 PM): I have no particular dog in this fight and, truth be told, if chores are going to get done this weekend, it will probably happen during this game. That said, two cheers for the Ravens, if for no other reason than that a Raven’s victory will put a smile on our young Howard friend’s face. Ravens 21 – Texans 14
Giants @ Packers (Sun – 4:30 PM): Game of the Week, bitchez! Look, I know Aaron Rodgers is awesome (and also showing himself to be quite the funny man in these discount double-check ads). And I know Green Bay are the defending champs. And I know the game’s at Lambeau. But tell the truth: Aren’t you just getting that vibe from this Giants team all of a sudden? Giants 41 – Packers 31
(I went 2-2 last week, but I really only called one game – the Saints – accurately and even that prognostication only rounded into form in the fourth quarter when Brees and company hit the afterburners. Did NOT see that extraordinary defensive performance by the Giants coming. And, well… Tebow?)
I thought the Giants would win this by a TD or an FG. This is kinda nuts. Pack look jittery and overmatched.
Well, OK Joe. You are a prediction machine in the playoffs. (OH, btw, NOW you can eat a supersized bag of uncooked dicks, kthnxbi.) But dammit, when you right, you right. Giants look damned good today (in addition to the Pack looking like they are channeling their inner Saints).
And I also disagree about the Ravens: I think they beat the Pats easily. They’ll score at least 28 against that D, and they are solid on defense. Brady won’t get the cheap stuff against them that he’s lived on all year.
Gents have to finish this game first, but I would take them (or the Pack) to beat the Niners.
This is what I was talking about. The Giants have swagger right now. I like them to beat any of the remaining teams the way they’re playing right now.
Holy crap!
I think it’s funny that the QB has the best rushing record on the team.
Go Jints!
Hakeem Nicks is fast.
I want Tori Howard on this Couch!
Why does Baltimore’s D catch passes better than their O?
This is grief. I don’t see the Texans or Ravens stopping these scum. So it’s up to the NFC.
Fuck. The New England Pestilence strikes early.
So that’ll probably do it for this game.
I think the NFL media is trying to give us a vibe about the Giants. But I think beating a gutless Cowboy team and a mediocre Falcons team is making them seem a bit better than they are. Eli’s having a great year, but I think they lay an egg and lose by double-digits tomorrow.
No, I didn’t underestimate them. Just never expected it to go down like this.
I knew you didn’t, you don’t underestimate anyone
But the pundits and the bettors seemed to think the Saints had this one. It was quite a fourth quarter, though.
I knew they’d come to play. I was surprised to see the Saints favored. But I still can’t believe this ending.
It’s kind of interesting how much everyone underestimated this 13-3 Niners team (except for Toast).
What a shit ending. Sorry, man.
This is a hell of a game.
shitshitshit
shitshitshit
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. Too much time, too much time, but DAMN did you see that score?????? THAT is how this team got here!!!
‘Shift, just let me know you’re alive…
OMOIUHDFYb jsxidfhbv oayiuGousfygg@y@!@!!!!!
OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD…
OK, never had a power hurl in my life, but sure wish I could right now. My team is KILLING me. Drew, ya got one more bit o’ magic in ya?
Well, this would be a drive, wouldn’t it?
Well. At least this has been a great game for football fans, right? No matter what…
Nothing is inevitable. The fault lies not in the stars, but in ourselves.
I still say that was inevitable.
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. C’mon, GEAUX SAINTS!!!!! TOUCHDOWN TO TAKE THE LEAD!!!
THERE YOU GO, BROTHER!
First down. Rhonda got a defibrillator handy?
WTF???? Our D is magnificent, keeps getting stops, and we do NOTHING with it. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
DO NOT show me the stats!!! This is ONE unique event with ONE unique team, and we can STILL win this. GEAUX SAINTS!!!!
Ye gads, what a game. I mean, down 5-1 in turnovers, but leading in time of poss, yards, first downs? AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH. Still, maybe THIS is the very kind of game a team has to win to break a hex. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.
I’m feeling your frustation, bro. I’d be out past Neptune if my team were torturing me like this.
I took your meaning.
You know, since you and I are tight, and Jets last team to do it…
Grasping at straws here, man. Help a brother out.
Right?
Hey, the Jets won with 5 turnovers! It’s a good omen!!
They are killing me. You know this, right, Joe? I mean, you KNOW what this feels like. AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH. My Saints should be in command of this game and… they’re trailing. WTF??>???
Minus 4 in turnovers, and we are only down 6 points. Yeah, we’re doing our level best to give the game to them, but they are not trying real hard to take it.
Hell, I drop the ‘r’, he drops the ball….
Aw, hell. I am not believing it. Spoles, really?? MR. Dependable?
Dude, your Saints aren’t losing this game; they’re forfeiting it.
Unfuckingbelievable.
We get a stop this opening drive, any stop, and I will be very, very loud here.
While I expected a close and nerve-wracking game, this is NOT at ALL how I pictured it. But we just played like rookies that 1st half and only down 3?
Hey, Wife!
Hey, y’all.
WOOT, their turn to turn it over!!! (and the volume remains MUTE)…
Yeah. And I don’t believe in ghosts, but they scare the shit out of me.
Yeah. NOT that I’m superstitious or anything (knock on wood). I’m a man of reason (pinch of salt on the jersey). I am fully aware of the laws of physics. Now where is that rabbit’s foot I’ve saved for an emergency????
After muting the volume the Saints are on a 14-0 run. Think I’m watching the rest of this one in silencio.
Man after my own heart.
Holy shit! That was like a four-way sack!
Well…. we’ve only had about 4 road playoff games ever before this. We used to suck ass, y’know?
After muting the volume the Saints are on a 14-0 run. Think I’m watching the rest of this one in silencio.
Wow. I’m just surprised because that seems like the sort of fact your typical NFL announcers would latch onto like a pit bull and toss onto the microphone once every 14 seconds, say.
Never. Seriously. Which is why, every time, it gets a little harder with that “never done it” in your head, y’know?
Up from the mat!!! Way to not quit, team!!! (We’ll discuss that first quarter business later…)
Hot Damn!! Your boys have dusted the ugly off and started playing football.
Never? Seriously?
Yeah, IF we score this drive, we can sure pull the miracle. And “road jitters” is fair enough for the “never won a road playoff game” team.
Three and out for the ‘Niners there. Still a ton of time to turn things around, ‘Shift. Maybe – and I know this sounds weird for the more seasoned team – they just needed to work out some jitters.
Well, Angle, here’s hoping the “crazy stuff” isn’t anything too serious.
I love my team, but you’d never know which one is the playoff veteran and which the noob from the game so far.
Shit to do, trying to stay quiet as much as possible so I can work on sites without the constant distractions.
Also trying to maintain my sanity, been going through some crazy stuff. Just not in the mood for much. Went to bed at 8:30 yesterday. Of course it was too early to sleep, but I didn’t really want to do anything else either.
A pulse!!! GEAUX SAINTS!!!
There we go.
Sproles was clearly down. Thank goodness. Still, the sloppy play is astounding.
Oh, NOW ‘los shows up. Well, Saints showed some life holding to a FG, maybe this’ll turn around now.
Yikes.
Oh, and no on the super-mojo jersey. This one is it, and I’ll ride it to the end.
Wish I could explain it. We should NOT be getting our clocks cleaned by these guys.
Shit a brick. Well. Wish I could say I’m shocked, but something about the road does this to us. Go figure.
Jesus Horatio Christ on a turnip truck. What the fuck, dude?
You don’t happen to have, like, a super-special mojo jersey you keep in a safe for emergencies, do you?
shitfuckfiredamn. Well, we get a TD this possession, or this one is gone bye-bye.
You were saying something about pressing?
Pressing. Did I mention pressing???
OK, bringing it out of the end zone like that worries me more than the TD did. If we start pressing….
As I get older, I tend to be more… discriminating? … about war movies. I like those that show, even emphasize, the waste and stupidity of even a ‘good’ war.
And SHIT, we didn’t need to let Al Smith think he’s a REAL quarterback. DAMNDAMNDAMN.
oof
It’s weird. Part of me really wants to see “Red Tails” right? But then part of me finds WWII movies unbearable to watch now. I don’t mean to wax nostalgic over the brutality of conventional warfare, but there was something better, it seems to me, about a time when our enemies fought conventional wars with conventional forces and when you won, you fucking won.
I knew this one was going to be tight. 27-24 one way or the other, so… let it be SAINTS!!!
DAMNDAMN. They’re moving the ball out from their 2???? damn.
DAMN. That fumble at the 2 was brutal.
Damn, ate my last comment. Pats lost last 2 playoff games at home and their D stinks. But I can’t call the upset, as much as I want to (if only to see Joe get on the Te-wagon). 31-21 Pats, dammit.
Nope, no tomorrow if we lose, mojo jersey was saved for this (and next) game anyway.
I’m taking the Ravens 24-21 against a surprisingly game Texans team. Much as I’d LOVE the Gents to pull the upset, can’t see it: 41-31 Pack.
Mojo jersey right from the get-go? No thoughts of conservation?
Should be a good game, methinks.
GEAUX SAINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I’m nervous about this one, so I won’t tell you (yet) to eat a supersized bag of dicks, Joe. Hi, Tracy!!