And, uh, the rest of you. I guess. Welcome to the Divisional Round of the 2012 NFL Playoffs and to this cozy spot on the internet we call the Virtual Couch™. Grab a spot. There’s plenty of room.
I couldn’t be more stoked for this weekend. We’ve got some great games on tap today and tomorrow, then we’ve got the Golden Globes (with Ricky!) tomorrow night, and then we’ve got MLK Day to recover. It’s going to be freakin’ marvelous. I hope you’ve all got something fun planned, but I also hope you’re around for football.
On to the games!
Saints @ ‘Niners (4:30 PM): No question but that this is a tough one for the Saints. They’re playing on the road against a team with a top-tier defense and a running game that lets them control the clock. The Saints are favored by 3-1/2 going into the matchup, as if that’s any solace to their fans, but it’s way too easy to see San Francisco turning this into a slugfest and gutting out a win. In fact, that’s what I’m feeling*: ‘Niners 27 – Saints 24 (*Don’t hate me, ‘Shift. My predictions are usually the kiss of death.)
Broncos @ Patriots (8:00 PM): I know this much: If Tebow pulls this one out of his ass, tear up the stat sheets and make room for me on the bandwagon. There will be a picture of me Tebowing in front of the television, and it will be my profile pic for a long, long time. And, let’s see, I think this will be a sufficient jinx: Patriots 45 – Broncos 17
Texans @ Ravens (Sun – 1:00 PM): I have no particular dog in this fight and, truth be told, if chores are going to get done this weekend, it will probably happen during this game. That said, two cheers for the Ravens, if for no other reason than that a Raven’s victory will put a smile on our young Howard friend’s face. Ravens 21 – Texans 14
Giants @ Packers (Sun – 4:30 PM): Game of the Week, bitchez! Look, I know Aaron Rodgers is awesome (and also showing himself to be quite the funny man in these discount double-check ads). And I know Green Bay are the defending champs. And I know the game’s at Lambeau. But tell the truth: Aren’t you just getting that vibe from this Giants team all of a sudden? Giants 41 – Packers 31
(I went 2-2 last week, but I really only called one game – the Saints – accurately and even that prognostication only rounded into form in the fourth quarter when Brees and company hit the afterburners. Did NOT see that extraordinary defensive performance by the Giants coming. And, well… Tebow?)