11:00 PM: And with that, our revels are ended. Disappointing show, partly for the lack of Ricky, and partly for the anemic movie field this year. But still, good times here. See you for the next one, peeps.
10:56 PM: Ohthankgod. If War Horse had won I might have had a full-on breakdown.
10:42 PM: Really? The Artist? Ooooooooh, it’s silent. I really hate how susceptible critics are to gimmicks. Silent films weren’t silent for their artistic value; they were silent because we didn’t have the technology to synchronize audio and video recording yet. There’s nothing artistically superior about that.
10:36 PM: I’m torn. I want to see “Iron Lady” because I’m sure Streep is amazing in it and it’s cool to see “historical” movies about times I actually lived through, but seriously, Thatcher was just a two-bit Reagan, and that shit was lame in the bigs, let alone AAA.
10:18 PM: Just dawned on me in a truly frown-producing way that I haven’t seen “Justified” up for a single award all night. How is that possible when it’s the best show on television?
10:15 PM: Martin Scorsese has a 12-year-old daughter? Seriously?
10:12 PM: Robert Downey Jr.: That’s your Sexiest Man Alive. I don’t care what the supermarket rags say.
10:05 PM: Wow. The room just got *real* fuckin’ dusty.
9:58 PM: Morgan Freeman. I don’t know if he’s the original “Reassuring Black Man” but he does it better than anyone else. (If you’re not familiar with the concept of the “Reassuring Black Man” ask me about it in comments.)
9:24 PM: Here’s the thing: the “host” is supposed to present the presenters. That’s how it works. Presenters are not supposed to be introduced by Voice-Over Guy.
9:14 PM: I’ve only seen the trailers, but with “The Adventures of Tin-Tin” it looks like we’re getting dangerously close to the point where CGI animation can simply replace live acting. I keep having to blink and go “Wait, that’s not real?”
9:11 PM: I could not be more thrilled for Peter Dinklage’s win. Awesome. I’m glad he thanked George R.R. Martin, but I really wanted him to say “Thank you to George R.R. Martin for writing a series that features a kick-ass dwarf.”
9:05 PM: Michelle Williams just thanked the Hollywood Foreign Press for “putting in my hands the same award that Marilyn Monroe won fifty years ago.” I had no idea the Globes had been around that long. I thought they were, like, an awards show someone made up relatively recently because there just weren’t enough awards shows.
8:53 PM: I heard Ricky Gervais was hosting this thing. Anyone seen him around?
8:46 PM: I still can’t believe “War Horse” is a real movie. I mean, it’s a movie about a horse. A really inspiring horse, apparently. During a war. Really?
8:30 PM: Why am I still drinking wine when I don’t have to go to work tomorrow? WHISKEY!!! I’M COMING!!!
8:23 PM: Tracy and I both just realized that it’s “Downton Abbey”, not “DownTOWN Abbey”.
8:20 PM: Kraft Velveeta Cheesy Skillets: For those occasions when Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is just too classy.
8:15 PM: Ashton Kutcher cut his hair! Thank the gods. That weird Prince Valiant thing he had going on was an unbelievable eyesore.
7:00 PM: Heeeeee’s baaaaa-ack. In a milliondee-billiondee years I would not have expected Ricky Gervais to get invited back to host the Golden Globes again after the (utterly ludicrous) shitstorm that blew up following last year’s gig. Oh, da pooh babies of Howwywood got their fee-fees hurt? Let a week of (very expensive) garment rending commence. And yet… here he is! I guess NBC said “Hmmm, on the one hand, sensitive celebrities. And on the other hand, RATINGS, BABY!” So the rich and famous get to suck it up for three hours and we, the television audience, get treated to one of the funniest motherfuckers on the planet gleefully busting balls. (And ovaries.) Like Bart Scott said, can’t wait!
We’ll be tuning in for the pre-game red-carpet show at 7 PM. Join us in comments, and bring your best catty self along.
Dudes, WTF with the “gimmick” concept?
You have a vision, you execute it.
No. It’s a retro gimmick. It’s bullshit. Goodnight.
As wrong as ever! G’night!
Silent does sound like a gimmick, but I’m sure it could be used to good effect for some things, kind of like black and white. Not sure about a whole movie, though.
Actually, I take that back. Descendants is first on my list, then The Artist.
Alexander Payne is the BEST.
Dude, you have to update Gravatar to use your GQ/Book-jacket pic.
Good point. The sketch is played out.
“GQ/Book-jacket ”
LOL. Photoshop magically erasing 20 pounds!
I can’t imagine why The Artist is good.
Seriously? That’s the one I want to see the most!
What’s it about?
!Surprised
I like when Gervais called Colin Firth they showed the black people in the audience. “Get the black reaction! Get the black reaction!” Oh, TV…
I want a website where I can see every single dress worn tonight. Even wives and screenplay editors. I see glimmers of dresses where I want to see the whole thing, damnit! Give me that website!
The SUperficial will have them all tomorrow.
Still can’t believe War Horse is a real movie.
It’s a horse! In a war! WAR HORSE 2012
RIGHT?!
It was a PLAY before it was a movie. With a horse puppet.
Nicely done.
In the words of Homer Simpson: “Stupid TV! Be more funny!”
I met the guy sitting behind Brad Pitt. I think Angelos may’ve been with me, right, Angle?
Stretch?
Exactly.
Yeah, Pizzeria Uno’s. Hartford?
He was sitting with his wife, he was in town for a play.
Though “All in the Family” was so long ago, I tend to think of him as Farmer Arthur H. Hoggett.
He was Stretch when we saw him. Now he is Farmer Hoggett. And we were in the Uno’s in Springfield, which is next to City Stage.
Did anybody else see that?
Se7en is a tremendous movie.
Except Gwyneth Paltrow’s head should not be in a box.
Has Sydney Poitier had a stroke?
He’s 85. That might be all.
Reese does not look good tonight. At all. Bad hair and her face looks weird. WTF?
Glenn, Gervais hasn’t been onscreen enough to make it a contest.
Been called away. How many times you guys drank for cruelty jokes so far?
Go Joey!
What is Chris Dodd doing there?
He’s the head of the MPAA now.
I love Blunt’s dress.
Her hair was bad, though.
Claire Danes needs nipple covers.
And implants.
Bitch!
I missed it, but there was a lot of agreement on Twitter.
stin Hoffman just called Madeleine Stowe old.
Dustin Hoffman looks like Tony Bennett.
Libby is dying. Madonna is only 15 miles away.
I’d say bring her there, but I’m sure it’s ridiculously packed.
If Gervais doesn’t make a joke about Irani nuclear weapons then what are we all doing here?
Nicole Kidman’s dress was amazing.
Madonna – I haven’t kissed a girl in a few years – on TV. AWESOME!
I love Felicity H Muffman.
That’s right. I got it wrong.
Filliam H Muffman!
Nicole Kidman looks great in that dress.
See, Clooney busting Brad Pitt’s balls, because he can.
Funny.
That was great.
They better not play music over Steven Spielberg.
Spielberg!
Mauve is a great color. Did you know that the blue part of it makes yellow teeth look whiter?
Alba’s dress is amazing!
Who’s the jarhead?
I really want to see Moneyball. We listened to the audiobook on our east coast road trip. Great stuff.
I have it downloaded…
Maybe I’ll go on a movie rampage before the Oscars.
It’s sad. I haven’t seen ANY of these. Except on the “news” here. KTLA is all about the entertainment industry. It’s local news.
Dinklage! Completely deserved!
YES! WOOT! DINKLAGE!!!! This is AWESOME.
She is just adorable. Wanna squeeze ‘er.
Dawson should have grabbed that ride and held on for dear life. Stupid Dawson.
What the fuck are you two going on about?
If you watched TV you’d know.
Michelle Wiliams. I liked her dress,but I did not watch Dawson’s Creek.
Ooooh, THAT Dawson. Never saw it. I wasn’t a teenaged girl.
I don’t know why Victoria’s Secret ads are all about their silly cheap lingerie. They should be like “we’re Victoria’s Secret and our pajamas are comfy as FUCK and they look good on you.”
Lovely dress on this presenter and I’m glad she’s laughing so hard.
I would have totally used that opportunity to make a tiny penis joke. “So, that’s massive?”
Seth Rogan! For the win!
Brad looks suave with a cane.
“Hosting” like he’s in the kitchen making the food? Serving people drinks?
Like he’s not really hosting it, but they needed someone’s name to put on the masthead.
Ricky Gervais is “hosting” this show.
Not nearly enough Ricky Gervais. Is this his punishment?
I was just thinking that. That’s why this has been feeling so boring.
I don’t like Madonna. Joe is surprised that she’s not pretty.
I wasn’t reacting to her prettiness or lack thereof. I was reacting to her bodice. She looked like she was having an impromptu mammogram.
Madonna. Barf.
And WTF with that dress? Does she hate her boobs and feel the need to punish them?
She’s the worst. Pretentious and obnoxious.
Ha! They started with the music right after he did that kissy crap.
Well, Angelos, I imagine an awards show that gives out so many awards for TV would be boring when you don’t watch any TV.
OOOOOH BURN!
I haven’t heard of a lot of these movies either. I have 3 TB of media downloaded, just no time to watch it!
Still, I was much more entertained last year, for whatever reason, with equal ignorance of the nominees.
Just saying.
“OOOOOH BURN!”
Right with you on the movies. I know virtually none of them. But we do watch several of these TV shows.
Game of Thrones should not have been in that category. It should be in its own category: “TV Series – Awesomeness”
Clarie Danes’ dress is awesome, too. She looks good this year.
This is all rather boring.
Yes.
‘Tis. But the clothes are nice.
Has anyone watched Boss?
I have not.
Oh my goodness. Kelsey Grammar? That’s a kick in the nuts.
I don’t care about Marilyn Monroe. Am I the only person in that particular club?
No.
Jake Gyllenhaal is no longer cute.
What is he now?
Less cute than before.
And sorta funny-looking.
Loved “Midnight in Paris”. Loved it.
Yes, thematically it had flaws. But still, so charming.
We have that downloaded. Been meaning to watch it.
Pretty sure it’s the only movie up for any kind of award that we’ve actually seen.
That is a great dress. Go, Kate!
She is just through-and-through beautiful and elegant.
I hope Diane Lane wins just so I can see her dress.
Come on, Downton Abbey!
YAAAAAAAAAY! Oh, that theme song.
Woohoo!
Down-TUN. Weird. What’s that about anyhow? Lot’s of people are apparently crazy about it.
It’s a period drama about life in an English estate during the transition from the Edwardian era through WWI and after. Anglophile porn.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
There’s a right gripping intrigue when a Turkish diplomat’s son visits the Abbey and takes a fancy to Lady Mary, with scandalous consequences!
Rob Lowe’s hair is too poofy.
Rainy’s dress is nice. And Julianne’s earrings make up for a boring dress.
Just doing a panicked search for pizza places that still deliver. Never mind. My top two choices are closed. Oh well.
Cheesy bread!
WTF, did everyone leave?
Went for a quick run.
Does Zooey Deshanel annoy anyone else but me?
Even if she annoys you that shouldn’t obscure the fact that she’s other-worldly cute.
Not enough makeup to cover that red nose.
I’ve never even heard of “Beginners”. This was an oddly quiet year for movies.
Helen Mirren looks gorgeous, too, but she always does.
Jodi Foster looks amazing.
She’s ALWAYS in my Free Pass Five. Lesbian or not, I don’t care.
Love Ricky’s suit.
I don’t like the outfit of the hostess on E.
Trapped in an elevator with Jessica Alba: my new worst nightmare.
Not enough to eat when you go all “Alive” on her?
She talks like an eighth grader who’s trying to sound dumb for boys.
But yeah, I mean…well, I bet her boobs would taste great.
George Clooney seems like an intensely likable human being. I wonder if he is.
By 100% of accounts, yes. Every interview, every interaction with celebrities and non, everything I ever hear.
You can mange your image only so much before cracks show. No cracks on this guy.
That’s awesome.
When more than half of your jokes are cruelty-based, you are essentially a bully. Which is the impression I get of him.
The fact that he’s personable and has an infectious laugh takes the edge off, but…
Louis CK says terrible things in the process of exploring language, and privilege, and the dark depths of the psyche.
Gervais is just a dick.
OK, drinking game: Drink every time Ricky makes a “cruelty-based” joke.
I AM SO IN
Like
Adam found streaming E! red carpet…THAT’S why you marry a person.
Aaaand he just shut the blinds, took off his pants, and started eating a sandwich.
SEXYTIME!!!
He had to re-establish his Guy Credentials?
Pantsless computing is an everyday occurrence around here.
Does he have one hand down his pants? Or has he not reached Advanced Guydom yet?
Not yet. He did hook it up to the TV though.
Who watches award shows in their pants? I get a special kick out of looking at so many people dressed all fancy-like while I’m laying about in underwear and an undershirt eatin’ m’ sammich.
Hahahaha.
Leo’s face has finally filled out. He actually looks manly now.
LOL Lea Michele’s “sultry” posing face.
Missed it.
Oooooh, Kate Winslet! Me like very much.
I missed her dress. I like her.
Jesus Christ. Giants kick a FG so we flip over. A minute later the Giants are scoring a touchdown. WTF?
Fumble recovery, man. Pay attention. Game moves fast.
Wow. Couch used to be this active for football. ANY way, Ricky is apparently a misogynistic homophobic bully for something (or everything) he said at the last award show. It is difficult for me to comprehend the substance of their argument through my privilege, perhaps.
Oh for fuck’s sake. I think you know how I feel about that hypersensitive bullshit.
Yes. Yes, I do. Which is why I brought the whole thing up, hoping to generate an epic Toast-rant-calypse. Because #JoeSantosRantRules. (Did I do that right?)
Yes. Nice hashtaggage.
He was hysterical on the last show.
He does make a lot of fat jokes, rape jokes, etc.
I find he CAN be hilarious, but mostly grating because he falls back on cheap jokes. 40% genius, 60% hack.
Don’t care about fat jokes. They can still be funny, no matter what the FA crowd thinks.
I’ve never heard him make a “rape joke”.
What I find funny about him, at least as much as his material, is just his demeanor. Gleefully sadistic about making fun of people who (certainly in the case of tonight’s audience) need to be made fun of.
He had one bit on his TV show about a doctor making a machine that has sex with women as an experiment, but it’s really the doctor’s penis, and he and Stephen Merchant were laughing about how stupid that is, like the women wouldn’t know it was the doctor’s penis in the machine. It was just pure silliness, but I guess you could construe that as making light of rape.
Adam went to the store so I’m having to watch some red carpet streaming thing on Mediaite, but there’s no host, all you can hear is this obnoxious French guy yelling at the stars to look at him. COME BACK ADAM
Oh, I love me some Charlize…
I knew that.
She’s pretty as all get-out.
Funny, too.
Women aren’t funny.
HA!
Why is Brad Pitt using a cane? Because it’s awesome?
To beat back the wimmin.
He actually hurt himself playing a sport a few years back and he has to use it now pretty often.
My b. He fell.
Holy shit Angelina Jolie is a skeleton.
She is.
Love Nicole Ritchie’s bangles.
We’re flipping.
Romneying.
Also, people… football!
Who is my girl?
Charlize Theron, according to Tracy.
The interviewer-chick’s dress is a gorgeous color. I don’t like the dress itself somuch, though.
Hello!
Hello, Michelline!
No, Glenn. What did Ricky do to piss off our friends?
Zooey Deschanel’s head-size-to-shoulder-width ratio is total Japanimation come to life. And I mean that in the most complimentary way possible.
Zooey’s dress is cute. Laura Dern looks like a superhero wit that belt on.
I could not care less about this sort of thing if I tried. HOWever, I am fascinated by your embrace of the host. Didn’t you get the memo that he’s a terrible person? Or so I read at other liberal sites. He’s a refusnik in a lot of liberal/progressive corners.
Angelos’ girl!
What was with that horrible monkey dress?
I love this stuff! I don’t know who the woman was they just showed in the maroon dress, but it was wonderful!
The phrase “who you’re wearing”: Can we kill it?