11:00 PM: And with that, our revels are ended. Disappointing show, partly for the lack of Ricky, and partly for the anemic movie field this year. But still, good times here. See you for the next one, peeps.
10:56 PM: Ohthankgod. If War Horse had won I might have had a full-on breakdown.
10:42 PM: Really? The Artist? Ooooooooh, it’s silent. I really hate how susceptible critics are to gimmicks. Silent films weren’t silent for their artistic value; they were silent because we didn’t have the technology to synchronize audio and video recording yet. There’s nothing artistically superior about that.
10:36 PM: I’m torn. I want to see “Iron Lady” because I’m sure Streep is amazing in it and it’s cool to see “historical” movies about times I actually lived through, but seriously, Thatcher was just a two-bit Reagan, and that shit was lame in the bigs, let alone AAA.
10:18 PM: Just dawned on me in a truly frown-producing way that I haven’t seen “Justified” up for a single award all night. How is that possible when it’s the best show on television?
10:15 PM: Martin Scorsese has a 12-year-old daughter? Seriously?
10:12 PM: Robert Downey Jr.: That’s your Sexiest Man Alive. I don’t care what the supermarket rags say.
10:05 PM: Wow. The room just got *real* fuckin’ dusty.
9:58 PM: Morgan Freeman. I don’t know if he’s the original “Reassuring Black Man” but he does it better than anyone else. (If you’re not familiar with the concept of the “Reassuring Black Man” ask me about it in comments.)
9:24 PM: Here’s the thing: the “host” is supposed to present the presenters. That’s how it works. Presenters are not supposed to be introduced by Voice-Over Guy.
9:14 PM: I’ve only seen the trailers, but with “The Adventures of Tin-Tin” it looks like we’re getting dangerously close to the point where CGI animation can simply replace live acting. I keep having to blink and go “Wait, that’s not real?”
9:11 PM: I could not be more thrilled for Peter Dinklage’s win. Awesome. I’m glad he thanked George R.R. Martin, but I really wanted him to say “Thank you to George R.R. Martin for writing a series that features a kick-ass dwarf.”
9:05 PM: Michelle Williams just thanked the Hollywood Foreign Press for “putting in my hands the same award that Marilyn Monroe won fifty years ago.” I had no idea the Globes had been around that long. I thought they were, like, an awards show someone made up relatively recently because there just weren’t enough awards shows.
8:53 PM: I heard Ricky Gervais was hosting this thing. Anyone seen him around?
8:46 PM: I still can’t believe “War Horse” is a real movie. I mean, it’s a movie about a horse. A really inspiring horse, apparently. During a war. Really?
8:30 PM: Why am I still drinking wine when I don’t have to go to work tomorrow? WHISKEY!!! I’M COMING!!!
8:23 PM: Tracy and I both just realized that it’s “Downton Abbey”, not “DownTOWN Abbey”.
8:20 PM: Kraft Velveeta Cheesy Skillets: For those occasions when Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is just too classy.
8:15 PM: Ashton Kutcher cut his hair! Thank the gods. That weird Prince Valiant thing he had going on was an unbelievable eyesore.
7:00 PM: Heeeeee’s baaaaa-ack. In a milliondee-billiondee years I would not have expected Ricky Gervais to get invited back to host the Golden Globes again after the (utterly ludicrous) shitstorm that blew up following last year’s gig. Oh, da pooh babies of Howwywood got their fee-fees hurt? Let a week of (very expensive) garment rending commence. And yet… here he is! I guess NBC said “Hmmm, on the one hand, sensitive celebrities. And on the other hand, RATINGS, BABY!” So the rich and famous get to suck it up for three hours and we, the television audience, get treated to one of the funniest motherfuckers on the planet gleefully busting balls. (And ovaries.) Like Bart Scott said, can’t wait!
We’ll be tuning in for the
pre-game red-carpet show at 7 PM. Join us in comments, and bring your best catty self along.