[2008.07.25 - 07:30 P.M.]

Sat - 7:35 PM: And the Yankees whip the Sox 10-3 to take the first two games of the series. That's eight straight wins for the gentlemen in pinstripes, who are undefeated since the All-Star break. They are now a game behind Boston and 2-1/2 behind Tampon Bay. They were nine back at the start of the month. I'll tell ya, this season is suddenly getting a lot more fun to watch. The amazing thing is that, tonight's game notwithstanding, they're mostly getting it done with their pitching. Considering that only two of the five pitchers who began the season in the rotation are still in the mix - and that they're the two old guys - well, what can you say? Pretty unbelievable. If they make the playoffs - and it's looking a lot more likely now that they will - Joe Girardi and Brian Cashman should win a pair of ESPY's.

Sat - 5:58 PM: Yanks leading 7-2 in the sixth. Good times.

Sat - 4:08 PM: Rough start for Pettitte. One run already in, and Boston has runners at the corners with no outs. Whoops, make that two runs in with one out. Ack.

Sat - 3:30 PM: Whole lotta movement going on in Yankee Land. In addition to the very smart trade Cashman made to send Dan McCutchen, Jeff Karstens, Jose Tabata (nutcase) and RHP Ross Ohlendorf to Pittsburgh for right fielder Xavier Nady (woot!) and reliever Damaso Marte, the team DFA'ed LaTroy Hawkins and - this is where really I pop a tent - rumor has it Kei Igawa might be on his way to Seattle (which is about a third of the way back to Japan) along with an unnamed prospect for Jarrod Washburn. I'm telling you, look up "The Man" in the dictionary and I bet you see a picture of Brian Ca$hmoney.

Sat - 3:15 PM: That was a really, really good movie.

Sat - 11:00 AM: Tracy and I are off to see a matinee of The Dark Night. We'll be back for the game at 4:00 PM.

Sat - 10:48 AM: Recently overheard at Casa de Toast: "'Soapy T'aint'! That's a good name for a band."

Sat - 10:30 AM: First sentence from the Post's lead story on last night's game:

"Maybe the Red Sox should start hoping Josh Beckett can become their Joba Chamberlain."

Ohhhhhh, snap! Really, that's going to have me giggling like an idiot for the rest of the morning...

Fri - 7:30 PM: The Greatest Rivalry In Sports resumed 25 minutes ago, and I haven't seen a second of it because I was busy finishing that damned music meme. We are DVR'ing it, however, so we'll catch up in a bit. In the meantime, no spoilers please...

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[2008.07.25 - 07:25 P.M.]

Furious tagged me with this kick-ass meme:

Start at the wikipedia page of the year of your birth, and pick the best (or your favorite) album from each year you've been alive.

Can you say "time sink"? I mean, really, I could noodle all weekend on this. In the interest of actually getting other stuff done, however, I'll take the suggested shortcut of sticking to the albums listed on Wikipedia's year-by-year pages. (I checked. They list hair metal bands. I'm good.) I should note, before getting started, that any pre-1980 selections are essentially back-dated as opposed to biographical. I didn't really start buying and listening to music on my own until around that time. That said, let's rock!

1968: The Beatles (aka The White Album) - The Beatles
1969: Tommy - The Who
1970: Paranoid - Black Sabbath - (Perhaps the first example of "heavy metal"?)
1971: Meddle - Pink Floyd
1972: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars - David Bowie
1973: The Dark Side Of The Moon - Pink Floyd - (Wanted to give Billy Joel some love for Piano Man, but I can't when it's up against DSoTM)
1974: Greatest Hits - Alice Cooper - (Can "Greatest Hits" albums qualify? I declare that they can.)
1975: High Voltage - AC/DC - (The Greatest Rock 'n' Roll Band in History arrives on the scene.)
1976: 2112 - Rush

Shit, this is going to start to get more difficult now. First off, AC/DC released Dirty Deeds in '76. Problem is, if I gave every AC/DC album the credit it deserves I'd wipe out an eight-year stretch. The Ramones' debut album came out this year as well, which is damned hard to ignore. Boston was released, and say what you will about that band's weak follow ups, that album fucking rocked. Still, you just can't not go with 2112 here. You can't.

1977: Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols - Sex Pistols
1978: Van Halen - Van Halen
1979: The Wall - Pink Floyd
1980: Back In Black - AC/DC - (Best. Album. Ever.)

Got to give a tip of the hat here to Queen's The Game. First album I ever bought with my own money.

1981: Diary Of A Madman - Ozzy Osbourne
1982: Screaming For Vengeance - Judas Priest - (Honorable Mention: The Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden)
1983: 90125 - Yes

That was a brutal decision. Def Leppard delivered Pyromania that year. Mötley Crüe came out with Shout At the Devil. The Talking Heads dropped Speaking In Tongues on us. Metallica debuted with Kill 'Em All. R.E.M. debuted with Murmur. Pink Floyd released The Final Cut, a masterpiece by any standard. But the stupid rules say I have to pick one, so I'm going with 90125. As enchantingly brilliant today as it was 25 years ago.

1984: Purple Rain - Prince - (It came down to that or Ride The Lightning. James Hetfield would hate me if he knew.)
1985: Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash - The Pogues - (Sadly, I didn't discover how extraordinary this album was for another 2+ decades.)
1986: Licensed to Ill - The Beastie Boys

The year I graduated High School. Other staples of that Summer included Priest's Turbo and Van Hagar's 5150. But Licensed to Ill was THE album of our graduating class. "BEEE-cozzzzzzzz MUTINY on the BOUNTY's what we're all aBOWWWWWWWT!"

1987: Appetite for Destruction - Guns 'n' Roses
1988: Operation: Mindcrime - Queensrÿche

Um... OK, Mindcrime is an amazing fucking album, easily in my Top Ten. But so is Straight Outta Compton. And Nation of Millions was amazing. And I've got a very special place in my heart for Rattle and Hum. I'm starting to hate this meme... and I'm only halfway through it.

1989: 3 Feet High and Rising - De La Soul - (Getting baked with Hampster and playin' Super Mario Brothers for hours...)
1990: Brick By Brick - Iggy Pop
1991: TIE: Nevermind - Nirvana, and Ten - Pearl Jam

No, fuck you. It's a tie. I don't care what the rules say. It's bad enough that I have to diss Metallica's Black Album and blow off Soundgarden's Badmotorfinger; I'm not taking any shit over calling Nirvana and Pearl Jam in a tie.

1992: Grave Dancers Union - Soul Asylum
1993: Kerosene Hat - Cracker - (Honorable Mention: Siamese Dream - Smashing Pumpkins)
1994: Superunknown - Soundgarden

Yeah, so '92 yields Soul Asylum, '93 gives me Cracker -- and I'm not saying I don't love both albums, right? -- but in 1994 I'm supposed to choose between Superunknown, The Downward Spiral, Mellow Gold, and Dookie? Yeah, that's fair.

1995: Astro Creep: 2000 - White Zombie
1996: Sublime - Sublime - (Still can't believe he's dead.)
1997: The Colour and the Shape - Foo Fighters
1998: Devil Without A Cause - Kid Rock - (The finest fusion of Metal and Hip Hop ever - and I saw it coming in Junior High School.)
1999: The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner - Ben Folds Five
2000: The Marshall Mathers LP - Eminem - (Best. Rap Album. Ever.)

Meanwhile, elsewhere in rap, Nelly releases the amazingly chill Country Grammar, Everclear gives us the wonderful journey that is Songs From An American Movie, Rob Halford rediscovers his Metal Godliness with Resurrection, and the underrated and mostly unknown Zebrahead rocks my world with Playmate of the Year. Sometimes, it pours...

2001: I Get Wet - Andrew W.K. - (My patron saint.)
2002: Believe - Disturbed
2003: Permission to Land - The Darkness
2004: American Idiot - Green Day - (Perfectly timed for Bush's re-election.)
2005: Guero - Beck
2006: Back To Black - Amy Winehouse
2007: Who We Are - Lifehouse
2008: We Started Nothing - The Ting Tings - (I haven't even listened to the whole album, but I love the single.)

Phew! Now that was a labor-intensive meme.

'sFunny, you discover some weird shit going through those lists. Did you know that REO Speedwagon released an album in 1996? Or that there was a band named "Anal Cunt"? Or that Johnny Cash released 4,238 albums during his career? All true.

Update: I just came up with an awesome idea: I'm making an iTunes playlist that consists of the best song from each of these forty one albums. Holy shit is that going to rock. I'm giddy just thinking about it...

I tag: Tracy, the Howards, Tart, Chemist, kate, Wilde, Litbrit, and 'Shift.

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[2008.07.23 - 08:45 P.M.]

I forget where I first heard about the concept of the "celebrity free pass list" -- it's from Friends originally, I think -- but for a long time it's been kicking around on the back burner as a potential Question of the Moment. You know what I'm talking about, right? List the five celebrities who, if you could have a weekend fling with them, you'd want your spouse or significant other to let it slide? It's a particularly, um, stimulating mental exercise. And yet something held me back from posting on it. Probably something to do with not wanting to annoy Tracy by drooling over babes-who-are-not-her on my blog.

So what does my wife go and do? She decides to ask the question herself, and then she tags me. I'd say that's a pretty definitive "all-clear" for droolage, wouldn't you? Woo Hoo! Here goes...

Wait, first, a caveat: I don't have any idea what these womenses are like in real life; I only know the personality they project in the media, and in many cases that's mostly from whatever role they're playing. Doesn't matter. What matters is a 60/40 (okay, maybe 70/30) mix of looks and whatever I perceive their personality to be like. That's what raises the tent pole, after all. Cool? Cool. Let's go.


1. Gwyneth Paltrow: Number One on the charts for a decade and a half and counting. Pale and lanky of limb. I love that. Blessed with a beguiling face. I mean, she can rock the subtle, knowing, Mona Lisa smile like nobody's bidness. I get a Victorian vibe from her - a trace of aristocracy that no number of tabloid stories can erase - that just whispers "I am the Princess; Kneel before me." Which I would oh-so-totally do under the fantastical circumstances of this meme. (And oh, sweet FSM in His Bowl, that hair. So blonde. So straight. Sigh...)



2. Evangeline Lilly: If Lost totally sucked - which it assuredly does not - I'd still watch just for the glorious eye candy that is Kate. What a body. Incredibly compact and athletic, it goes perfectly with the Tomboy persona of her character. Stunning face as well, with the piece de resistance being a nose that, on a scale of 1 to 10, is an 11. (I love a good nose. Actually, I love prominent and quirky facial features generally.) One thing that Evangeline demonstrates at the checkout counter daily, however - and much to my chagrin - is the phenomenon whereby a woman can look ten times better with minimal or no makeup than they do when they're all glamourized. Seriously, the first time Tracy pointed Evangeline out to me on a magazine cover, I was like, wait, that's Kate? What did they do to her?!



3. Julianne Hough: I desperately need ballroom dance lessons, and this ridiculously perky little Mormon dancer/country singer is just the person to get me in the gym and teach me, baby. Oh, yes indeed. In fact I think with my two left feet we'll need some serious one-on-one personal instruction to get me up to speed. Granted, from that description, you can imagine we might not have much to talk about, but that's not important. See, if you haven't watched Dancing With The Stars (i.e. if you're retarded), let me summarize Julianne for you: Superhumanly Cute. Seriously, after several incidents, the FCC finally had to issue a ruling that Julianne could not be broadcast in HD 1080p because her smile was causing peoples' cable boxes to overheat. Just a tiny little nineteen-year-old bundle of bubbly, happy gorgeousness.



4. Avril Lavigne: On the other hand, bitchy and pouty and filled with faux-angst works too. I'm just a sucker for teen drama, especially when it emanates from a set of lips that look like they were drawn by a Japanese anime artist. And that hair. I've mentioned that I've got a thing for really straight hair, right? If not, consider it mentioned.



5. Tricia Helfer: I can picture the casting meeting: "We need someone with a body that you would literally sell out your entire race for..." Mission accomplished. There were a lot of candidates for Babe number Five, but in the end it came down to Six. Best feature? Those crazy coat-hanger shoulders. Yikes. And those legs? They go all the way to the deck. The interesting thing about Helfer's role in BSG is that you get to see her in a wide variety of guises. While I'm happy to report that she retains a baseline level of Hotness in "plain-Jane" mode, however, the platinum-blonde Six is definitely the "limited-edition" model.


(Honorable Mentions: Allison Mack, Anne Heche, Paris Hilton, Brittany Murphy, Summer Glau, and 1985 Shelley Long.)

Ahhhhhh... That was rather cathartic. Of course, if you've read my blog long enough, you know this is all so much idle fancy, as I'm already married to the love of my life. But hey, every now and then the Fantasy Gland needs a little exercise.

Tracy already tagged most of you, but I'll add Furious, 'Shift, and kate. (C'mon, kate, you know you can objectify men, just try.) Also, we'll toss this up in the QoTM spot for further discussion, but don't forget to drop by Tracy's place and show her blog some love too.

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[2008.07.23 - 08:30 A.M.]

Ever found yourself wondering what people mean when they refer to the "Texas Panhandle"? Well, I have. I first heard the term, oh, twenty years ago and I was flummoxed by it. Couldn't imagine what part of the Lone Star State it referred to. My best guess was that nubby-like triangle that sticks out to the West, but nope, as I later learned, it's actually the smokestack-like square that juts Northward at the very top of the state.

That's the Texas Panhandle.

You ever see a pan with a handle that sticks up from its center? I haven't either.

See Oklahoma over there? They've got a panhandle. Hell, Oklahoma even looks like a pan, or maybe a pot. Makes perfect sense to refer to the Oklahoma Panhandle. Florida is far from pan-shaped, but one can understand where someone might look at the northwest region of that state and see a handle of some kind, so "panhandle" isn't a stretch. (Given what Florida is shaped like, I think the "Florida T'ainthandle" - or among polite company the "Florida perineum" - is more apt.) But Texas? No, sorry. There's nothing about Texas that resembles either a handle or something you'd attach a handle to. If Texas resembles anything, it's a tooth.

That's Texas for you, though. The heck with high-falutin' notions like conceptual isomorphism; their neighbor has a panhandle so they're damned sure gonna have one too.

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[2008.07.20 - 08:45 A.M.]

Spray-on sunblock vs. traditional sunblock: Discuss.

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[2008.07.18 - 07:00 P.M.]

Mon - 7:45 AM: Yanks sweep their series with Oakland, Sox get swept by Anaheim. That's a good weekend right there, folks.

Sat - 4:45 PM: Extra innings. Oh, and here's a stat: The Yankees are 1 - 40 on the season when trailing after eight innings. That is a serious lack of comebackability.

Sat - 4:40 PM: Nice! Robbie gets a double and Betemit singles him in to tie the game.

Sat - 4:35 PM: How embarrassing. Bottom of the ninth, Yankees down 3-2. Giambi works a leadoff walk, and Girardi puts Justin Christian in to pinch run for him. After a series of pickoff attempts, A's pitcher Huston Street finally throws a pitch. Christian breaks towards second looking for a steal and trips over his own feet halfway there. I don't think I've ever seen a guy just fall down running from one base to another.

Fri - 7:00 PM: Okay then, the All-Star break is in the rearview mirror. Time for the Yankees to become a good team... now!

Yeah, I'm sure that'll work.

In any event, I have other obligations this evening, so I will be unable to watch the first game of the rest of the season. I will, however, volunteer these three thoughts: 1. Richie Sexson? Not a bad pickup considering he's mashing against lefties and Seattle's still picking up the lion's share of the tab. 2. No mo' Nomo, which leads me to ask: When he pitched at home, did they play Phil Collin's "I Don't Care Anymore" over the PA system? 3. Obtaining four reasonably-priced tickets to Yankees vs. Angels next weekend is proving to be quite challenging, or so Tracy tells me.

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[2008.07.18 - 12:00 P.M.]

Asked yesterday, after claiming that Barack Obama is to the left of Bernie Sanders, if he thought Obama himself was a socialist, John McCain replied "I don't know." This statement evoked for me not-so-fond memories of Hillary's response to a questioner during the primaries that Obama was not a Muslim "As far as I know." There's a shady tactical similarity to both answers in the way that they allow ambiguity to linger like a malodorous cloud where a sufficiently factual answer would set things straight instantly. Much as Hillary needn't have appended a personal qualifier to her knowledge of Obama's religion, I'm pretty sure John McCain "knows" that his opponent in the presidential race is not a socialist. Just in case, however, I'm happy to help clarify matters for him:

Socialism:

"A theory or system of social organization that advocates the vesting of the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, of capital, land, etc., in the community as a whole."

That was easy, yes? Follow it up with a quick click over to BarackObama.com, where the reader will not find a series of detailed position papers wherein Senator Obama outlines his plan to seize control of the "means of production" and I think we're on safe ground assuring Senator McCain that, no, Barack Obama is not a socialist.

McCain, of course, is not the only member of the right wing to pick up the battered and rusty sword of red-baiting in this, the two-thousand-and-fucking-eight election, in a feeble attempt to scare Americans away from voting for the black dude with the Muslim-sounding name who might also be (-gasp-) a commie! A Google search on "Barack Obama Socialist" returns nearly 1.5 million results. (Soon to be 1.5 million and 1 - Sorry Barack.) From Sean Hannity's drooling lips -- the FOX blowhard has called Obama both a "socialist" and a "Marxist" -- to the keyboards of Winger bloggers everywhere, the S-word is making the rounds. The problem with this nefarious nonsense is that words have meanings, and flinging "socialist" at Obama like so much simian poo -- no matter how many times they do it -- won't make it stick. Referring back to the definition provided above, a little more edumacation on "socialism"; a free primer, if you will, for your conservative friends and neighbors:

Socialism is state ownership of industry coupled with a centrally-planned economy and I would venture that there is not a single member of the Democratic Party who would embrace such a style of government. Nor, for that matter, do I know a single self-identified liberal -- Democrat, independent or otherwise -- who advocates abolishing (regulated) market capitalism as the central organizing principle of our society. Only in the fevered imaginings of the Winger Horde and their champions in the media could it make any sense whatsoever to apply the "socialist" label to a moderate Democrat like Barack Obama.

It would be both bracing and refreshing to see some responsible journalist correct the record by pointing out the absurd nature of this terminological misapplication the next time some right-wing hack blurts it out, especially if the right-wing hack in question is the presumptive Republican nominee. And yet for some reason, I won't be holding my breath.

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[2008.07.17 - 05:15 P.M.]

"Americans have got to understand that we are paying present-day retirees with the taxes paid by young workers in America today. And that's a disgrace. It's an absolute disgrace, and it's got to be fixed." -- John McCain, at a town-hall meeting in Denver on Monday

Um, okay there, Straight Talk. It's called "Social Security" and, far from being a "disgrace", it's the most successful retirement insurance program of all time. It's helped untold millions of Americans enjoy their old age without having to constantly worry about making ends meet. Of course, to that gaggle of idiots you call a party, none of this matters; it's Big Guvmint, and therefore it must be destroyed. Stupid Republicans.

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[2008.07.15 - 10:00 A.M.]

The following paragraph is from a selection of excerpts released by the Obama campaign from an upcoming speech the candidate plans to make on Iraq and national security:

"This war distracts us from every threat that we face and so many opportunities we could seize. This war diminishes our security, our standing in the world, our military, our economy, and the resources that we need to confront the challenges of the 21st century. By any measure, our single-minded and open-ended focus on Iraq is not a sound strategy for keeping America safe."

Now, which word do you think is going to get him in trouble? Come on, you can only pick one.

Cue faux outrage from Team McCain, Screeching Winger Horde, and cable news bobbleheads in 5, 4, 3, 2...

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[2008.07.12 - 12:50 P.M.]

Tue - 8:30 PM: Also, way to be classy, Yankees fans. Look, I'm not in favor of booing anyone at the All-Star game. I think it's completely uncalled for and out-of-place. That said, you want to boo Papelbon, I guess that's your prerogative. The guy's a douche. You want to boo Varitek, I'm not going to restrain you either. Also a douche, and he has no business being in this game. Manny? That seems a little gratuitious. But man, booing Terry Francona? That shit is fucked up. There's no reason for that. The guy's a class act and he's earned his spot managing this game. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Tue - 8:25 PM: I do not like this thing they're doing with the starting lineups, mixing them in with various Hall of Famers from each position. Don't like it one bit. Makes no sense to me.

Mon - 8:10 PM: Bumping this to the top to accommodate any idle All-Star chatter.

Sat - 2:05 PM: Oh Noooooes!!! Say it ain't so. Joba Chamberlain is pimping Phiten's aura-dynamic, titanium-enhanced, bio-energy-maximizing jewelry? I mean, Joba, Dude.

Sat - 1:35 PM: You know, if there's some legitimate reason Jorge Posada isn't catching -- he hasn't been behind the plate in over a week -- then Girardi should state clearly and openly what that reason is. It's ridiculous that Posada is available to catch and we've got Chad Moeller in there. Oh, and Darrell Rasner officially sucks.

Sat - 12:55 PM: Oh, and not for anything, but this is my 2,000th Post! Yay, Me!

Sat - 12:50 PM: Three thoughts to prime the weekend baseball pump: 1. That Roy Halladay can pitch some, can't he? 2. The Rays have lost five straight. I blame the ESPN Magazine Cover Curse. 3. Should the Yankees sign Richie Sexson? And more importantly, take a look at Sexson's year-by-year stats. Juice much?

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[2008.07.12 - 05:15 P.M.]

A perfect Saturday in the Shire. Eighty degrees and breezy. Tracy, myself, Birdstone, and my mother (taking picture) sit beneath the shade of our maple tree reading, talking and drinking wine. Well, OK, the bird isn't actually reading or drinking wine. She is talking, however.

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[2008.07.11 - 04:50 P.M.]

Via Litbrit, another one of those Bush Moments that makes every sensible American want to put a brown paper bag over their head until January 20th of next year:

George Bush surprised world leaders with a joke about his poor record on the environment as he left the G8 summit in Japan.

The American leader, who has been condemned throughout his presidency for failing to tackle climate change, ended a private meeting with the words: "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter."

He then punched the air while grinning widely, as the rest of those present including Gordon Brown and Nicolas Sarkozy looked on in shock.

Mr Bush, whose second and final term as President ends at the end of the year, then left the meeting at the Windsor Hotel in Hokkaido where the leaders of the world's richest nations had been discussing new targets to cut carbon emissions.

You know who I think will get a real belly laugh out of it when they hear Bush's brilliant one-liner? The leaders of the developing third world countries that the West has been asking to join us in fighting climate change. I bet they'll think it's hoot.

But anyhow. You know, historians will no doubt continue to debate for decades whether Bush is the worst president we've ever had, and others may examine the issue of whether he's the dumbest, but I think we can put one argument to bed: He's certainly the most embarrassing.

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[2008.07.11 - 03:00 P.M.]

Hee hee! Looks like PZ Myers really got under Andrew Sullivan's skin today:

It is one thing to engage in free, if disrespectful, debate. It is another to repeatedly assault and ridicule and abuse something that is deeply sacred to a great many people. Calling the Holy Eucharist a "goddamned cracker" isn't about free speech; it's really about some baseline civility. Myers' rant is the rant of an anti-Catholic bigot. And atheists and agnostics can be bigots too.

Oh, Sully, you poor, wounded thing. Get a grip. Calling the Holy Eucharist a "goddamned cracker" - in addition to being goddamned hilarious - is an excellent example of why free speech is so fundamental to America's core values, and in fact to the values of any culturally heterogeneous and religiously pluralist society. PZ Myers has a right to offend you. He has a right to say things that offend you for no other reason than just wanting to be an obnoxious asshole. In this case, however, I'm quite sure he's offending you in order to shock you into the realization that you believe some really silly shit. Sadly, it seems not to have worked, but rest assured he (and others) will try again. And to that I say: Ain't America great?

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[2008.07.11 - 07:35 A.M.]

Playing pool volleyball for several hours without the benefit of sunblock has transmuted me into quite the red lobster.

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[2008.07.10 - 08:25 P.M.]

What a weird fucking day. For several hours I'm having an unbelievably fun time with coworkers who, it turns out, I really like. Then I find out something that freaks me straight the fuck out and makes me feel like my professional life is a castle of sand perched on clouds, and it wrecks my shit. Then, as I'm worrying the worry rock in my breast over this, we get a call that Tracy's grandmother died, and things snap back into perspective.

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[2008.07.10 - 12:00 P.M.]

Holy unfortunate statements by prominent supporters, Batman! Check out these comments by McCain's "senior economic advisor" Phil Gramm (R - Crotchety Old Douchebag):

"We have sort of become a nation of whiners. You just hear this constant whining, complaining about a loss of competitiveness, America in decline."

"You've heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession."

I don't know 'bout the rest of y'all 'Murkans, but what I really like during times of economic distress is a guy who co-sponsored the Commodity Futures Modernization Act of 2000 (cough-Enron-cough) and later went on to be a vice-chairman and lobbyist for UBS Investment Bank telling me to STFU and enjoy my Chef Boyardee. That's just the kind of rhetoric ol' Straight Talk needs to get behind in order to burnish his populist bona-fides. Right on, Phil!

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[2008.07.10 - 10:30 A.M.]

Barack Obama's decision to put aside his concerns over telecom immunity and vote for the FISA "compromise" (chortle) bill is quite a disappointment. This is a bill I don't believe we needed; a bill that further erodes our fourth amendment rights; a bill that allows the government to leverage the enormous power of networked data-mining technology to pry into our lives; a bill that takes the already laughably lax judicial oversight of its predecessor and turns that protection into nothing more than a sad little fig leaf. And all of this was done in the name of keeping us safe from a threat that shouldn't even crack the Top 5 on any reasonable person's list of the dangers facing our society.

The caveat, of course, is that I don't know everything the Senators who voted for this bill know. (A caveat that always evokes Hollywood images of darkened Congressional chambers filled with somber men sitting around a table listening to Jack Bristow run down the latest efforts of the Alliance to bring the civilized world to heel. Only if the members of the Alliance were primarily Muslim men hiding in caves.) Nonetheless, from where my non-knowledgable ass is sitting, Senator Obama's judgement on this issue seems highly suspect.

All that said, I am alarmed and disheartened at the overwrought hysterics and paroxysms of rage that this has drawn in many quarters of the liberal blogosphere, including quite a few spots right here in my own neighborhood. We've known this vote was coming for a couple of weeks, so you could practically feel the spurned Hillbot sector of the 'sphere hovering over their keyboards ready to unleash Hell upon Obama (an urge that I'm sure was further tweaked by Hillary's shrewdly calculated "put me down as 'Not Voting'" decision). This reaction goes way beyond that, however. The depth and breadth of indignation I've seen expressed over this has simply bowled me over, to the point where I've seriously started to wonder if we liberals aren't congenitally predisposed to tear down our own - to point the finger and shout "Heretic! Blasphemer! Traitor!" at the earliest opportunity.

Look, deep breaths, people. Yes, the new FISA bill sucks. One vote, however, does not a politician or a candidacy make.

Before you vow not to send one penny to Obama, before you declare your intention to go third party, before you open your heart and mind to the soothing but deeply counterfactual delusion that it doesn't matter if McCain or Obama wins in November, I would implore you to take an inventory of the facts and honestly answer the following questions:

Does it "not matter" whether Obama, who, despite the hand-wringing over his bit of third-trimester/mental-health nuance, can point to a lifetime of staunch support for reproductive rights, or McCain, who wants to appoint more Justices in the Alito/Scalia/Thomas mold, wins the White House?

Does it "not matter" whether Obama, who quite rightly wants to let the egregious Bush tax cuts for wealthy Americans lapse, or McCain, who wants to make them permanent and deepen them, wins the White House?

Does it "not matter" whether Obama, who, despite comically stupid assertions that his statement about "refining" his timeline for troop withdrawal constitutes a "flip-flop" on Iraq, was against the war from the beginning and remains committed to withdrawing all our troops as speedily as possible, or McCain, who would happily leave a large, permanent military presence there indefinitely, wins the White House?

Does it "not matter" if we roll the dice with Obama or sign on for what is absolutely certain to be four more years of Bush?

Have I made my point yet, or do I have to keep pitching these fat, juicy rhetorical questions straight over the plate all day?

Of course it matters.

I understand the urge to decry Obama's every false move and kick his ass for every departure, real or perceived, great or small, from liberal orthodoxy, and once he's in office, it's entirely likely that I'll be taking my place in the finger-pointing chorus right next to you. What you need to understand -- what we all need to understand -- is that this election is damned well going to have massive repercussions for the future of our country and the world. Our disappointments with Obama will, I assure you, be fleeting in duration compared with the lasting ramifications we would have to endure if we slacken our efforts to elect him and McCain slips into the Oval Office in his place. That is a stone-cold fact that no amount of wailing and gnashing of teeth should trump.

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[2008.07.08 - 08:00 A.M.]

I don't know if this is a case of someone making a funny on the sly or just an iTunes glitch, but it brought a pained smile to my face either way. Just now I went out to WNPR's site to download an episode of their radio program Where We Live from last week on the subject of "Home Heating Alternatives". As I imported it into iTunes I noticed that the mp3 had been tagged with the following:

Yup, as a New Englander looking with no small amount of terror and helplessness at the upcoming heating season, I can't think of a better category to file a show like this under.

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[2008.07.07 - 10:30 A.M.]

The first hurricane of the 2008 season has officially arrived, as Bertha intensified through category one strength and headed for category two, chugging on a west-northwest course that would seem to be pointing her straight at the U.S. East Coast and possibly even towards my neck of the woods. It's funny, while I'm well aware of the risks and human costs associated with hurricanes, the Storm Geek in me can't help pulling for them to develop, and maybe even come for a visit. They are truly amazing things to behold.


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[2008.07.07 - 09:00 A.M.]

In this morning's column, Paul Krugman asks what's behind the economic dire straits we find ourselves in. Amazingly, his answer does not in any way involve Barack Obama. Could the good professor finally be coming around, shaking off the throes of ODS? Stay tuned...

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[2008.07.03 - 07:00 P.M.]

Sun - 10:00 PM: Props to A-Rod. Earlier tonight he hit home run number 536, tying him with Mickey Mantle for 13th on the all-time list. It's fun watching Alex climb the charts. It's going to be even more fun when he takes the record from Bonds while wearing pinstripes.

Sun - 9:27 PM: Joe Morgan is an idiot. He just claimed that Dustin Pedroia is 5' 5-1/2" tall. I knew the irritating little dude was short, but that did not sound right. Sure enough, I looked it up, and he's actually 5' 9". Meanwhile, he just dinked in a two-run single to put Boston ahead 3-1. Asshole.

Sun - 9:22 PM: Jacoby Ellsbury looks a little bit like Sylar.

Sun - 2:45 PM: Justa Annoyah and Kevin Pukilis made the fucking All-Star team? Ugh. And I thought my day couldn't get worse.

Sun - 10:15 AM: I loves me some Captain Jeter as much as the next Yankees fan, but in what universe does a guy batting .282 with four homers make the All-Star team?

Fri - 4:10 PM: So, they keep, like, statistical records and shit for baseball, right? I mean, they track stuff. I've heard that about the sport. So can someone answer this question: HAS ANY TEAM EVER HAD A WORSE BA-RISP THAN THE 2008 FUCKING YANKEES? Seriously, call it my Need to Know.

Fri - 3:53 PM: I just downloaded The Humpty Dance. Great fucking song. Thank you, iTunes.

Fri - 2:35 PM: A-Rod is at bat. Tracy: "Ugh. Please tell me he's not fucking Madonna."

Fri - 2:30 PM: Jason Varitek: Still a douchebag.

Thu - 9:40 PM: Baseball sucks.

Thu - 7:00 PM: Yep, a day early. Just in case any Yankees or Sox fans want to commiserate about the fucking Rays.

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[2008.07.06 - 09:30 A.M.]

My head feels like a large melon of badness, loosely tethered to my body, lagging half a time zone behind its inputjacks, and I think "whoa"...

Update: It's 2:00 PM and I still feel like a huge pail of vomit. This could be entering the "worst hangover ever" discussion.

Update: Oh yeah, this is in the Hangover Hall of Fame. First ballot.

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[2008.07.05 - 05:30 P.M.]

This little song was inspired by Coach's rendition of "Albania". You know, cuz we call the bird "Birdstone" or simply "Stone". Thus "Estonia". And let me tell you, her chief export really is poop.


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[2008.07.05 - 02:00 P.M.]

There are times when I look at my wife and I get all googly-eyed and feel absolutely fucking amazed that a woman such as this married a freakin' schlub like me. (Seriously, people, look at that pic in the upper-right. That's me. All day long, that's Me.) This is one of those moments. I am the King of Weatogue, bitches. Feel my power.


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[2008.07.05 - 02:35 P.M.]

It is two thirty five in the fucking afternoon and I am loaded. I am four sheets to the wind. I am Swimmy like Mark Fucking Spitz. I am hammerred like a ten-penny nail. I am on Planet Zork. What about you, Bitchez?

Adding: Damn it feels good to be a Gangsta.

Adding: Rocked. Wasted. Can't see straight. Drunker than Drunkey McDrunk, the Emperor of Drunkistan.

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[2008.07.05 - 11:00 A.M.]

Question of the Moment: Do you use an RSS feed reader? If so, which one? Also, what is your current list of feeds?

Answers of the Moment:

Et Tu?

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[2008.07.05 - 10:00 A.M.]

What Jill said.

The world became a slightly better place yesterday.

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[2008.07.04 - 12:00 P.M.]

Thirteen questions, for the thirteen original colonies:

  1. Are you "proud to be an American"?
    Not really. Certainly not at the moment. But even in the good times, when I've been happy to be an American, I can't say I've been "proud". Pride is something you should feel for things you accomplished. America? Great country (sometimes), but I was simply lucky enough to be born here. It's not like I was one of the Founding Fathers. They had something to be proud about.

  2. Favorite Founding Father?
    Ben Franklin. I really need to read a biography of him someday. Super genius.

  3. Favorite president?
    F. D. to the motherfucking R. If we'd frozen economic and tax policy after the New Deal, we'd be a far better nation today.

  4. Biggest "Patriotic Moment"?
    Easy. The Miracle on Ice. My eleven-year-old self ran out into our street screaming "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!" And I didn't even like sports.

  5. Favorite patriotic song?
    American Bad-Ass by Kid Rock

  6. Favorite American cuisine?
    The hamburger. It is an amazing thing. From the basic burger to the cheeseburger to the chili burger, the black 'n' blue burger, the bacon burger... I mean, the fucking hamburger, people. Like pizza, it is in the pantheon of foods that I am always in the mood for.

  7. Happiest political moment of your life?
    Election night, 1992. When Bush Sr. conceded to Clinton, I opened the windows in the tiny apartment I lived in up in Troy, NY and whooped it up so long and so loud the neighbors downstairs yelled at me to shut up. Yes, I was in for a disappointment. But at that moment, I believed in the power of democracy.

  8. Best fireworks display you've ever seen?
    Tulsa, Oklahoma. 1991, I think. We were in the parking lot where they were launching them, and I swear they were going off a mere hundred feet in the air. Ashes were falling on the crowd. It was like being inside a firework as it went off.

  9. America's gift to the world?
    Our loud, brash, crass and obnoxious culture. I look at the caricature of the "Ugly American" and I see a happy "Fuck You" to tradition and restraint, and it makes me smile.

  10. Favorite Bill of Rights right?
    First. I'll say what I fucking like, thank you, and by the way, keep your God off my laws. Props to the Fifth as well.

  11. Favorite American Holiday?
    Thanksgiving. I've written plenty of odes to this greatest of American holidays, so I'll spare you with the short version: Food, drink, friends, and family, with no pesky Jeezussy bullshit and no goddamned cards or gifts.

  12. Favorite D.C. monument?
    The Jefferson Memorial. When I stand in it and read the man's words, it takes my breath away.

  13. Your dream for America's future?
    We apologize for Bush and rejoin the world as one nation among equals, a shining light of democracy committed to leading by example, not by bullying or force.

I tag every American who reads this.

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[2008.07.04 - 10:00 A.M.]

I don't think I can take it. The hysterics, the screeching, the over-the-top panic over every exaggerated false move, the self-righteous accusations that he's "running to the right" and betraying us, the fucking ceaseless negativity. We're less than a month into the general election and I'd estimate a good third of my liberal brethren and sistren have gone completely around the fucking bend with ODS. I can't take it. The man's not perfect, but he does not deserve this hysterical reaction. Not at all. ODS sufferers, I got something for ya. Drink up.

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[2008.07.03 - 03:00 P.M.]

Hello, friends and readers! It's a balmy afternoon here in the Shire where I sit at my computer, music blasting and a cold beer at the ready. My benevolent overlords at work, observing a department tradition, allowed us to depart at one o'clock today, and so, with great relish, I have taken the three-and-a-half-day weekend into a sweaty, happy, and soon to be booze-soaked embrace.

We've got a mostly relaxed stretch of days planned. Fridge is coming up tomorrow to have some brews, eat grilled food of some kind, and watch Game Two of the Yanks-Sox series. Saturday, rumor has it we're going to work on fixing up the upstairs bathroom. Sunday, Tracy and I are planning to head down to Misquamicut Beach in Rhode Island for the day. But right now, I've got blogging to do.

Old Glory is wafting in the breeze out front, so whaddaya say we crank out some Fourth of July weekend Slices of Toast!

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Peter Beinart has a very good essay in Time magazine this week contrasting conservative and liberal schools of thought on the subject of patriotism and examining how each mode is being played out in the McCain and Obama campaigns. Beinart's former TNR stablemate Jon Chait sums up the distinction thusly:

Liberal patriotism means loving America's ideals and striving to bring the reality into closer alignment with them, while conservative patriotism means loving America unconditionally and celebrating its past.

I think that's a pretty spot-on description of how "patriotism" actually plays out in our country, and I enjoyed breezing through Beinart's attempt to marshal the evidence from past and present in support of his theory. I disagreed, however, with his predictable and somewhat facile conclusion that "When it comes to patriotism, conservatives and liberals need each other, because love of country requires both affirmation and criticism."

There is certainly room enough in the world for both kinds of patriotism: the rah-rah, flag-waving kind and the card-carrying ACLU member kind. But to pretend that they are equally necessary ingredients in the patriotic mix is absurd. Liberal patriotism without its conservative counterpart is perhaps a little boring, a little less colorful; Conservative patriotism absent its liberal better half is an empty celebration of a past rendered meaningless. That's not to say that luxuriating in a warm rush of red, white and blue patriotic pride isn't a perfectly acceptable indulgence now and then (so long as it doesn't shade into triumphant nationalism); it's just not a necessary component of being a truly patriotic American. Understanding the ideals and principles that animate our Constitution and committing to the effort to perfect those ideals in practice, however, is exactly that. It is essential.

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Over at Slate, Ron Rosenbaum takes a survey of catchphrases and other linguistic memes in an effort to determine the stages of catchphrase evolution and to decide which phrases are past their sell-by date. It's a fun read if, like me, you enjoy humorously and self-consciously analytical pieces that have goofy cultural stuff as their "serious" subject matter. Here, for your consideration, are Rosenbaum's Four Stages of Phrasedom:

There's Stage 1, when you first hear a phrase and take pleasure in its imaginative use of language on the literal and metaphorical level. This may not be the most beguiling example, but consider "throw up a little in my mouth." I'm still kind of attached to it.

Then there's Stage 2, when you use it to establish "street cred" (time to throw "street cred" under the catchphrase bus?) or convey a sense of being au courant.

Then there's Stage 3, when the user acknowledges a phrase's over-ness and tries to extract some final mileage out of it by gently mocking it, usually by using ironic quotes, or adding "as they say" to the end.

Finally, there's Stage 4: terminal obsolence, dead phrase walking. Take "at the end of the day." It kind of stuns me whenever I find someone still saying "at the end of the day" with a straight face. What are they, stuck on stupid, as they say?

Now, while this is an interesting and useful intellectual endeavor, I should point out that Rosenbaum's attempt to "stagify" the catchphrase lifecylce strikes me as a bit rigid, in that it implies that all phrases traverse the same linear path in the same order (if not with the same velocity). I, for one, don't easily tire of phrases that I like. I still call things "the Bomb" and I use "my bad" routinely and without a trace of irony or distance. Contra Rosenbaum, I can't see myself getting tired of "throw X under the bus" anytime soon and I've no intention of putting "at the end of the day" to bed. On the other hand, a great many of these viral visitors are dead on arrival for me - they're over before they get started. I'm thinking of "teh" or anything else that reeks of "l33t". I'm also thinking of stuff that seems designed solely for Stage 2 insider-cred bullshit, like how the "the Village" and "Villagers" are used by a certain subset of prominent bloggers to refer to the DC establishment. And really, while Stage 3 is legitimately descriptive of a very real phenomenon, I think we should all take pains to discourage it out of existence. It's just so smarmy and dishonest and irritatingly self-referential. Use a phrase if you like it and don't if you don't but please spare me the whole "meta" pose where you wink at the audience to let them know that you know that the thing you're saying isn't really cool anymore.

(Adding: How about "cool", by the way? Has a positive descriptor ever had this long of a run? "Cool" has been cool my entire life.)

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There are times when I'm browsing my newsfeeds and I'll see a CNN story with a title like "Schwarzenegger offers aid to wildfire victims" and I realize that I still kinda sorta can't believe Arnold Schwarzenegger is the governor of California. It's just one of those facts that retains the capacity to seem weird and surprising long after it becomes a fact.

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OK, I know it's a "reality" show - with all that implies for some of my high-minded readers - and not only that, it's a Summer reality show, which should mean it really sucks, but do any of you watch Last Comic Standing? Because, I gotta tell you, it fucking rocks. We've been watching it for three seasons now, and I don't think there's any way we'd ever miss it. The "reality show" aspect of it is disjointed, inconsistent, and even incoherent from season to season. Further, the judges frequently pass over funny-as-fuck comics for lesser competitors. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that every week it's an hour or two of fresh, never-before-seen stand-up comedians. And a good many of them - a higher percentage than you'd think - absolutely fucking kill.

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[2008.07.02 - 10:00 A.M.]

Last thirteen:

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